Developing Executive Presence: Don't say "I'm sorry" as a default

Pantene has a video spot of women saying "I'm sorry" in too any situations.  If this looks familiar, it's time to stop the habit.  It's undermining how people view you

https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=pantene+i'm+sorry

How to manage "invisible" high-performing talent in an era of hyper self promotion

We all have people in our organizations who are talented and essential to our success yet they are happiest flying under the radar. How do we manage them?  See David Zweig's new book Invisibles, the Power of Anonymous Work in an Age of Relentless Self Promotion highlighted in the Forbes article:

http://www.forbes.com/sites/nextavenue/2014/06/27/invisibles-at-work-take-a-bow/

As a manager you can:

1. Listen to your workforce
2. Identify those invisibles
3. Equalize the playing field by soliciting accomplishments from all
4. Recognize them and their important role

Low Confidence or Decision Fatigue?

In last month's Atlantic, in the article "The Confidence Gap" by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, they note the progress that women have made over the years and that women now surpass the number of men in college and receiving graduate degrees.  In business, women are showing that they can generate greater profits, yet men still get promoted faster and are paid more.  What's up?

According to them, it's an "acute lack of confidence"  that leads women to lag behind their male peers.  Women don't feel they deserve the promotion, they don't consider themselves the best choice for the key job, they get lucky, or they feel they are faking it.  The authors go on to cite a number of interesting points that support their theory: why Hillary is not qualified to be President (story by David Graham), why women don't initiate salary negotiations (Linda Babcock), women's tendency to underestimate their abilities (Dunning-Kruger effect), women's need for perfectionism and fear of taking risks (Olga Khazan). These phenomena can certainly apply to both sexes depending on nature and nurture.

Women tend to take the blame when things go wrong and give credit to the group or circumstance when things go right.  Men tend to develop thicker skin as a result of constant bantering as kids and are generally more resilient to criticism as adults.  (Did you know that it has been reported in research that for every single criticism a girl receives at school, a boy receives eight?!)  Girls aren't getting the feedback since no one wants them to get emotional, and really nice people don't get honest feedback either.

Although the article mentions how women often play multiple roles simultaneously -- mother, daughter, wife, sister, friend, cook, cleaner, boss, PTA volunteer, kids' taxi driver, etc. it doesn't make the connection to another phenomenon that women (and men) experience daily -- decision fatigue.  The more choices one has to make throughout the day, the harder the next one becomes for the brain.  Eventually the brain rebels and either causes its owner to become reckless and make bad choices (no, don't eat that whole pint of Ben & Jerry's!) or it conserves energy and the person does nothing. Women may defer to others at work or not speak up or counter the argument not because they are not confident, but because they are multi-tasking, making a ton of decisions, and they are exhausted.  They pick their battles-- though their victories don't necessarily play out at work. Even when women speak up, their contributions may not be heard because of different linguistic styles and rituals (see Deborah Tannen's "The Power of Talk, Who Gets Heard and Why.") 

The good news is that we can work on building confidence (and this certainly applies to both men and women).  We show confidence through strong body language, low and relaxed voice, and speaking early and often. 

Social psychologist Amy Cuddy says "our bodies can change our minds, our minds can change our behavior and our behavior can change the outcomes."

She also says "Little tweaks can lead to big changes"  See her awesome lecture at TED:

Sample Power Poses

In addition, our leaders need to show that they value diversity in the workplace -- not everyone has to be like them (mini-me).  They need to consciously listen (think WAIT-- Why Am I Talking?) and build sufficient pauses into conversation to give everyone the opportunity to speak up.  Multiple ways to gather input (in person and virtual) will support both extroverts and introverts.

Leaders need to provide feedback that encourages risk taking and 80% solutions.  They need to embrace failure as a learning opportunity.  Perhaps they can even create jobs where failure is expected and let people experiment and build skills in this "safe zone".

Now, what do we do about decision fatigue?  

Pay attention to how your energy gets depleted and save some of that decision making for when you know you should be taking a stand at work!  Companies are investing huge amounts in Mindfulness training -- stay tuned for the next blog!

The importance of saying "I don't know"

I listen to the informative and entertaining Freakonomics Radio postcast, and the hosts and authors of Freakonomics, Superfreakonomics, Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner, have been (shamelessly) plugging their new book Think Like a Freak.

In a recent podcast entitled " The Three Most Difficult Words in the English Language," they talk about how people are reluctant to say "I don't know" when asked a question.  This is especially prevalent in the work environment where people are expected to be the experts and when there's a power differential like an employee-boss relationship.  People will fake answers because they want to appear smart and competent and feel a sense of belonging.  Psychological studies have shown that 75% of children fake answers, so the impulse is very strong, and by the time you reach adulthood, about 25% of us make up our responses. 

Levitt and Dubner point out that the failure to say these three seemingly simple words "I don't know" causes some problems, and ultimately prevents people from "thinking like a freak."    Until we admit that we do not know the answer, we cannot work to learn the answer by gathering data and experimenting, which Dubner notes we should "fall in love with."  Faking it, denies us the opportunity to explore other possibilities and compare outcomes. 

What should we do?

• Admit it when we don't know the answer (this is hard)
• Create a culture where "I don't know" is accepted (this is also hard)
• Like Colin Powell practices, as a leader, ask the following of your people:
• What do you know?
• What don't you know?
• What do you think?

This will enable us and our companies to improve in numerous ways and ultimately impact your knowledge, creativity, and bottom line!

For more, see the Freakonomics website or podcast

Disruptive leadership

Listen to this great compilation of talks from how leaders deal with failure to how grandmothers and ordinary people become leaders.

http://www.npr.org/programs/ted-radio-hour/261084166/disruptive-leadership

Be tenacious and never give up! You'll succeed!

I say that one of the keys to success in life is perseverance.

64-year old swimmer Diana Nyad embodies this.  In her TED address she talks about never giving up.  Watch and be inspired!

http://www.ted.com/talks/diana_nyad_never_ever_give_up.html

per·se·ver·ance

ˌpərsəˈvi(ə)rəns/

noun

noun: perseverance

1. 1.

   steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.

   "his perseverance with the technique illustrates his single-mindedness"

   synonyms:

   persistence, tenacity, determination, staying power, indefatigability, steadfastness, purposefulness; More patience, endurance, application, diligence, dedication, commitment, doggedness, assiduity, tirelessness, stamina; intransigence, obstinacy; informalstick-to-it-iveness; formalpertinacity "in a competitive environment, perseverance is

Is Your Organization Burned Out? Tips to Get off the Hamster Wheel

Like people, entire organizations can experience burn out.  Sometimes, the burn out is a result of systemic problems: busy time of year, new contracts, world events, etc.  Unfortunately, many times organizational burn out is caused by a leader or a leadership team.  This can happen when a leader moves from an operational or more urgent line of business to one that is strategic or enabling.

Are any of the following signs resident in your workspace?:

Keep adding more work without taking anything off the plate
Chasing after the hottest thing (shiny object syndrome)
Lack of understanding of priorities
Focus on everything at the cost of the work or product with the highest revenue/impact

What can you as a leader do to help?

Set priorities
Throw things off the plate-  Stop doing projects that aren't having impact
Refocus
Build in down time and communicate that it's ok to have it (model it)
Stop reorganizing

For more information, see "The Acceleration Trap" by Heike Bruch and Jochen Menges.

http://hbr.org/2010/04/the-acceleration-trap/ar/1

Resolve to be Happier - Some Tips

It's the new year, and one of my resolutions is always to be happier.  How do I do this, and as a manager how do I help my team?  There's more science on this topic than there has ever been.  Happiness is related to what motivates us and as a boss, it's always good to understand who's motivated and why.

Extrinsic motivation occurs when we are motivated to perform a behavior or engage in an activity in order to earn a reward or avoid a punishment. Research shows that those who are motivated by money, status or image are less satisfied, less energized.

We all have the potential to get on what is called the "hedonistic treadmill."  It's a vicious cycle of the more we have the more we want thus leading to unhappiness since we always are wanting.

Intrinsic motivation refers to motivation that comes from inside an individual rather than from any external or outside rewards, such as money or grades.  The motivation comes from the pleasure one gets from the task itself or from the sense of satisfaction in completing or even working on a task.  Those who are intrinsically motivated look for personal growth and continued learning, close and connected relationships, and a feeling of community.

As a public sector manager, I seek employees who have intrinsic motivation.  These people don't work for the pay -- though in government, job security is sometimes a factor-- but for the rewards of doing something for the national good.

In the video documentary "Happy," it is noted that our ability to be happy comes 50 percent from our genes and 10% from wealth and social status.  This leaves 40 percent that we can influence.  Happiness is a skill that you can develop.  There are ways we can influence this 40%: 

• Meditate to increase levels of compassion, love and kindness
• Build new experiences into  your life
• Spend time with friends and family
• Play more
• Get off the hedonic treadmill!

Good Luck to us all! (and watch the documentary, it will put things in perspective and inspire you!)