Accountability: having difficult confrontations

I took a course based on the book Crucial Confrontations, and it changed the way I think about difficult conversations.  It's so important to have honest communication, and this framework can help leaders think about their approach.

It's all about holding people accountable when they break a promise, don't meet expectations, or are just behaving badly.  This needs to be done face to face whenever possible.

Before the confrontation, you need to identify the problem and decide if and how you're going to deal with it in an unemotional way. 

Consider CPR to assess the problem:
Is it Content in a first-time offense where the action or result is the problem?
Is there a Pattern of behavior?
Is it the Relationship that is being hurt and is there a trust or respect issue?

Turn the problem into a single, clear sentence.

Decide whether or not you need to speak up:
Don't if it's a small problem or won't happen again and you know the other person probably already feels bad about it.

Manage your emotions.  Think about the possible scenarios.  David Foster Wallace gave this great commencement speech at Kenyon College in 2005 http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122178211966454607.html
 about how we need to have some control over how and what we think and choose consciously what we pay attention to and how we gain meaning from experience.  Bottom line, there could be some very good reasons for seemingly erratic or bad behavior. Ask, "what would cause a reasonable, rational and decent person to act like this?"

When you act in an unprofessional, humiliating, or controlling way, then people will shut down or look to sabotage. You want to set the example for good behavior.  On the other hand, silence lowers expectations.

During the confrontation you need to set the right tone in the way you describe the problem. Share good intentions and seek common ground.   Ask a question like what happened, what would it take to fix it?  Try to determine whether it's due to the person's lack of motivation, ability or both.  Pop the question "are you unwilling or unable?" Often times, conversations get sidetracked (you may be accused of being the problem).  You need to deal with these issues and stay on point.

When considering whether the person you're confronting is motivated, you can ask if it makes them happy to act this way, what role do others play in the behavior, and are there rewards for the behavior? 

When thinking about whether the person is able, ask whether or not he or she has the knowledge and skills?  Are others supporting this person?  Is there some physical space issue or other structural issue impacting the behavior?

Following the confrontation you need to assess whether the issue has really been resolved.






http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4f-74WbnsU